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Man flu exists, panda needs porn and moose gets drunk December 28, 2006

Posted by grhomeboy in Media.
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Sometimes you just may not be in the mood for a bit of hanky panky, but when your species’ survival depends on it, there’s no time for excuses, as a Chinese panda discovered this week. Chuang Chuang, a six-year-old male panda, will be shown ‘panda porn’ to try to get him to breed with Lin Hui, a five-year-old female at Chiang Mai Zoo in Thailand.

A spokesman for the zoo announced: “Like most male pandas, Chuang Chuang is only interested in eating, sleeping and playing – not mating. We’ll play the video at the most comfortable and intimate time for him, perhaps after dinner.”

Of the animals proving to be troublesome this week is a drunken moose. Pupils at a school in Sweden have been terrorised by a “completely crazy” moose who had become drunk from the fermented apples he had been munching on. According to Swedish news provider The Local, police commander Jan Caiman said: “It was probably the apples that lured the elk over there in the first place. That could be the root of the problem. We may be dealing with an alco-elk.”

But it’s not the first time that drunk animals have proved to be a nuisance, as Caiman recalled: “A homeowner had raked up a big pile of plums. In the middle of the pile lay a one-year-old calf. It was absolutely plastered.”

One burglar proved this week that not only does he have a distinct lack of morals, he also has a lack of brain cells. Hapless Bryan O’Gorman asked a passer-by to help him shift his swag, not knowing that he had asked a policeman. When the plainclothes officer became suspicious O’Gorman tried to run away, but was prevented from doing so and has now been sentenced to a two-year conditional discharge and ordered to pay £70 costs.

Although most women all over the world would like to dispute the fact that man flu exists, a new survey claims to prove that it actually does. According to Nuts magazine (and yes, this would be a men’s magazine) man flu symptoms, which include vast degrees of sniffling, moaning and generally feeling that they are going to die, are worse than the symptoms women suffer with a cold. The magazine’s poll found that it takes men an average of three days to recover in comparison to just 1.5 days for women.

But one man who seems to be tougher than the rest of his sex is 30-year-old Tom Schoenitz. The Austrian carpernter accidentally shot a four-inch nail into his brain but did not feel a thing. Ananova reports that after being rushed to hospital and telling medics that he couldn’t feel any pain, Schoenitz finally had the nail removed after 90 minutes.

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